The EU Euro stability fund draft press release…


Christopher Houseman

Found in the memory hole.

In the wake of widespread pessimism and protests in Europe regarding the very existence of the Euro, the European Commission and the Council of Ministers have agreed that a permanent Euro stability fund will be established shortly.

All Eurozone members will be expected to pledge impressive sounding amounts of money, which won’t in fact be anywhere near enough to cover the gaping hole in the heart of our wonderful would-be global reserve currency. And we won’t actually expect them to pay anywhere near as much as they pledge – unless they urgently have to.

The existence of a permanent Euro stability fund will reassure the gullible citizens of our glorious Union that all is well – until they actually have to buy something more valuable than our promises about their future earnings and productivity. In fact, the very existence of the stability fund means that:

1) We have no intention of trying to turn the Euro into a sound currency, and we probably wouldn’t know how to do so anyway.

2) We won’t be able to stop Eurozone members overspending in the future. Why else do you think we need this fund? Besides, we know every such crisis provides the justification we need to centralize even more money and power in our hands, so why would we even bother to try?

3) We will pay no attention whatever to calls for repudiation of national debts and a return to national currencies by Eurozone members. Any politician who tries to do this had better have very good life insurance and first-class bodyguards. Our message to the little people is simple: Shut up, pay up, and trust us to spend more money than you can possibly imagine. We’re a government – what else do you expect?

We note that UK citizens have been assured that non-Eurozone countries won’t have to contribute to the fund. We’re glad you like the eyewash, and rest assured that we’re working hard to address this state of affairs.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s