BREAKING NEWS: Gabb Junta Replaced with Absolute Monarchy!


 

GABBSURRENDER

The Lord Protector surrenders!

 

BREAKING NEWS: LA News can report that Lord Protector Gabb was forced to resign at 8:15am. This happens exactly a year since the military coup which brought about the Gabb Junta.

Archbishop Kersey’s men burst into a conference which he was addressing and forced him, at gunpoint (Lord Protector Gabb is shown with his hands up in surrender above), to hand over control of the British state to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s faction.

The Archbishop’s faction include Lord Lieutenant Hoppe and Andrew Linley, Archbishop of York. It is understood that the former Lord Protector did not support the planned coronation of Franz of Bavaria. This plan was first raised in cabinet last week. When Archbishop Kersey told Lord Lieutenant Hoppe of the Lord Protector’s response, he replied, “Then Sean must be physically removed, so to speak.”

AT 9AM, IN A SURPRISE MOVE, Lord Lieutenant Hoppe was proclaimed King of England, Ireland, Scotland, and France by the cabinet. Lord Lieutenant Carson has been sighted on the Eurostar dressed as a woman in an attempt to escape the horrors of what King Hans calls “physical removal.”

 

kevincarson

Lord Lieutenant Carson, on the run!

 

The Lord Mayor of Wigan has remained impartial in the dispute but at 9:15am said that he would prefer any coronation to take place in Wigan Parish Church.

At 9:20am it emerged that War Secretary David Davis had shut down the War Office before fleeing the country on the Eurostar. It is believed that he has taken his monkeys with him.

President Kinsella has organised a state visit to England along with Vice President Preston where he will be received by HM the King, the Lord Mayor, Archbishops Linley and Kersey, Speaker Lock, Lord Treasurer Coats, the new War Secretary, David Webb, and the new Director of Communications, Jakub Jankowski. When asked for a statement on the events of this morning, Jankowski replied, “Spierdalaj, Ty pizdo! Chodzić na rzęsach! Wypchać się sianem!”

In other news, Brian Micklethwait narrowly defeats Tim Evans to become Leader of the Libertarian Party. Since the institution of a propertarian order and the subsequent collapse of their think tanks, most of these people have found it very difficult to adjust. The 100 strong Libertarian Party, the last surviving political party, is now run by some very sad “professional libertarians” who can’t understand why people aren’t paying vast sums of money to listen to them any more…

 

hoppe

King Hans with ‘Sultan’, his heir apparent

 

Will King Hans’ coronation go ahead?

Is Wigan Parish Church big enough for a coronation?

Is it true that David Davis and Kevin Carson are headed for Slovakia?

What does “physical removal” entail? Is it painful?

Did Lord Chancellor Sudeley really have every member of the Blair, Brown, and Cameron ministries hanged, drawn, and quartered?

Is Richard Blake actually a real person, living in a palace in Slovakia, funded by his generous fans?

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2 comments

  • If you’re as conservative as me, new-fangled posts such as Prime minister are unacceptable. I would wish to be Lord High Steward, a post that has been vacant other than in ceremonies since 1421, and which ranked above the Lord Chancellor. Our constitution has been in a bit of mess since 1421.

    • You can read about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Officer_of_State I’ve always thought Cabinet government awkwardly bolted onto a fine existing structure of the Privy Council and the great officers of state. Why is there a prime minister at all?

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