Tag Archives: countryside

How to tell a “local yokel” from a scumbag: six handy tips for Police


David Davis

It is reported that a “leaflet” has been issued for the benefit of the Police, about how to tell if a human person is a “legal shooter”. Here are some tips for the Glorious People’s-Armed-Police, metropolitan politicos who regard the countryside as a theme-park peopled with cardboard characters, and for other Occupying Armies:-

(1) The “countryside” contains all sorts of humans not typically represented in the People’s Ecotowns of Young Britain, which is a Young Country of multicultural people living in harmony with Nature and the People’s Countryside which is a theme park. Some of these humans are caled “local yokels” or “local people” or also may be “Bankers” out for a day shooting small birds and animals which is a traditional “banking” past-time.

(1a) But sometimes, the “Countryside” also contains dangerous or irritating animals and birds which have to be discouraged and controlled, and sometimes killed with guns, and other useful quaint “Countryside-friendly” objects such as Potassium Cyanide, big sharp spades, gin-traps and snares. This is so that children and hard-working-families can buy local produce in season, for local people, at little shops and not at Tesco where everything has to be flown in from Peru.

(2) A human being with a “gun” is almost inevitably not dangerous: humans who wave knives do it in Young Britain’s People’s Ecotowns usually. They typically wave knives at humans, and display the normal shiny clothing of scumbags. Humans with “long thin guns” are almost always dressed in browns or dirty greens of matt reflectivity, and are pointing their “guns” at animals and birds not people. It is not considered polite among humans to point guns at people.

(3) You can easily spot a scumbag. His trousers are made of plastic and have two white stripes down the side, and are normally too long and tucked into two objects called “trainers” which look like a sort of plastic boot without the normal long top piece. Female scumbags wear all-over bright pink towelling pyjamas during the daytime. They can be confusing, because they do not usually have guns or knives, only phones held out as if for offering, in the right hand.

(4) If you get a report from a human about another human in a field or some bushes with a very long thin gun, ask the reporting human if he/she lives in “the countryside” him/herself, or inhabits a People’s Ecotown. If he/she does not live in “the countryside” or instead inhabits a People’s Ecotown, discount the report. If the reporting human does live in “the countryside” ask if the gun is a shotgun, a .22 rifle, a .303, an MP5, a Bren, an AK47 or a Barrett .5″, and what bird the shooter was aiming at and whether he/she brought it down.

(5) If it is carrying or using a long gun, it is almost certainly not a scumbag but a human: see (6) below for clarification.

(6) If you point your MP5 at a “local” “human” dressed as described, shouting “ARMED POLICE!!” then he/she will drop the “gun” and put his/her hands up. If on the other had it really is a scumbag, it will turn to face you with its gun (unlikely as it does not normally carry one, and certainly not a long one) pointed rather absently and indefinitely at or near you, an will say “Yer-wha’?” or “Pardon?” or something similar.

So you will always be able to tell the difference before having to open fire.

Observe Health and Safety Best Practice!

Always check first!

I may think of more during the day…

Wildlife destruction: the result of neopastoral Green stalinism


Michael Winning

i like the word “neopastoral” that the Boss uses. I’ll do it some more.

If you go about, as a metropolitan Green-Nazi, hectoring country people on stuff which bugs them and their animals, and which they may not kill, they’ll do it behind your back. Badgers for example spread more TB to cattle now, than humans did to each other 100 years ago. So the best thing to do to a badger is to flatten it with a large spade, put it in a binliner, and let it go to the dustmen with the corn flake packets. Or if you’re here, just find a large bonfire or build your own. If all else fails, just run the buggers over with your tractor.

Flamethrowers are good against colonies of bats. Then you can restore your building which they were squatting in.

Look, we people want to farm and grow stuff. we don’t like being ordered to protect those beasts which get in our and your way.

(I hope thats got less typos in it, I’ve been told to be more careful!)

Creating an amoral civilisation, openly, as a way to stifle freedom


David Davis

Daniel Hannan has suggested that it’s easy to divorce a civilisation from its history and religious- or folk-imagery. I maintain that this matters for libertarians (let’s leave the pastoral imagery of the two great monotheistic religions out of it just now.) This is because a sense of historical continuity is I think a necessary _AND_ insufficient condition for liberalism to evolve or survive.

How else could, for example, the title of a Wireless Tele Vision pornography show have failed to be properly conflated with the all-seeing wickedness of George Orwell’s panopticon, and how could the producers have got away with it?

Can this be true? Or am I in a waking horror-story? The British Prison-Planet’s “Eco-towns”


David Davis

I don’t usually read the Times Online, but not being temporarily ablt to get the Barclay Bugle, I found THIS.

The line about “30% of the homes being affordable” was especially nice. Go read the whole thing – the monumental contempt for the standard details of individual human beings’ lives in a modern country is so staggering that it almost rears up to space, in monumental invisibility.

The comments are really fun too.