The Miliplanter and pot plants: what a business, eh? And a rant about leftyism and surly (I meant to type curly)-headed black-haired actors in Georgian jackets…and that’s just the men.

David Davis

First people query your expenses, which you have taken so much trouble to get to be defined as “within the rules”, and then you die.

POT PLANTS…. Jesus H Christ, you really just  __have to__  laugh at these people. The Miliplanter is clearly not serious at all.

It’s a tremendously fun hoot actually – I mean, just look at this prize piece:-

ur files also how Jack Straw, the Justice Secretary, over-claimed for both his council tax and mortgage bills.

Alistair Darling, the Chancellor, is revealed to have changed his official “second home” designation four times in four years.Meanwhile, the Foreign Secretary, David Miliband, spent so much on pot plants at his constituency home that his gardener questioned whether they were necessary “given [the] relatively short time you’ll be here”.

Meanwhile, as we say ‘ere, ” ‘yer-av-ta-luff”. (Also, “Icelandtalks” seems to have linked to us, somehow, I can’t tell how..but… Hi there, welcome to Gordon Brown’s world of terrorist banks. eh?)

See our earlier today piece about socialists and trough-pigging. I mean, if They-Stalinists would just stick to sex, I would not mind so much. The problem of today is that they try to shyste so much money. Money costs. Sex is free.

Sex is actually quite nice, and nobody gets killed (see Pol Pot) as any self-respecting proper Tory Toff will be able to tell these jumped-up-University-lecturers. You go out, you call in one of the cow-girl-daughters of one of your more taciturn and upright Yeoman-retainers – mind that you choose the one with pretty boobs and hips so it’s quick for you and her and nicer for you (make sure __also__ that she’s the one that won “Miss Best Bum” at the last “harvest-maid-fete”) – you shag her in the 6th upstairs-bathroom while the Lady of the Manor is instructing the Servants Below Stairs on flower-arranging, and you then just tell her to go back to her duties. Quite simple, she’s all right, you’re all right. If she has the brass-neck to produce a child, then you get it “avowed” by one of the young men who live in one of the hovels near hers, and you’re sorted. No money needs to change hands.

Expenses problem solved: there aren’t any.

Socialism, eat your heart out, you never got a system like that did you.

But Karl Marx f*****d his wife’s maid, and their son worked for the Great Northern Railway, blamelessly for many years. Michael Caine says not a lot of people know that.

Perhaps the dude Marx was a Conservative after all.

LEFTIES! D’you really think we live like that? No, I thought not. Then stop the BBC doing those awfully naff Thomas Hardy-type costume-dramas, and selling the twattish rubbish round the planet to traduce us.

VOTE OR EAT … Ahhhhhhhhhh….. BISTO !!!! … That’s the way to do it!

David Davis

Vote or eat. Zimbabwe (that is to say, Southern Rhodesia.)

Stalinist bastard, that Myooogaaayb person.,,…. He won’t be allowed into hell, you know.

Know why?  He’s, er, too bad.

Lucifer (MORGOTH) won’t let him in, he’s er, rather bad.

He’ll be handed a brazier, a fag-lighter, and some paraffin, in a thingy, and he’ll be, er, set adrift, into the outer Void. He’ll have to join Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Castro (who is dead too) Bin Laden (who will continue to remain dead this year too as well and also next year) the Sendery-Luminosy-man-whose-name-I-can’t-remember-coz-he’s-a-saddo-who-chopped-off-living-people’s-faces-while-alive, Kim-Il-Sung, and the others.

How absolutely stupid and myopic of us all here, not to notice, about the connection between voting and eating, if there is a “government”.

He who does not work, neither shall he eat. For “work”, read “agreement”. Marxist Gramsco-Eagletonians, all. Again. As ever.

Tony, my dear chap, you can ask me again about these sub-human droids, and about a diagnostic test to distinguish what kind of machine they appear to be when going about in the world, and how to characterise this machine so as to eliminate it, but you yourself ought to know what I point to.