Tag Archives: police

How to tell a “local yokel” from a scumbag: six handy tips for Police


David Davis

It is reported that a “leaflet” has been issued for the benefit of the Police, about how to tell if a human person is a “legal shooter”. Here are some tips for the Glorious People’s-Armed-Police, metropolitan politicos who regard the countryside as a theme-park peopled with cardboard characters, and for other Occupying Armies:-

(1) The “countryside” contains all sorts of humans not typically represented in the People’s Ecotowns of Young Britain, which is a Young Country of multicultural people living in harmony with Nature and the People’s Countryside which is a theme park. Some of these humans are caled “local yokels” or “local people” or also may be “Bankers” out for a day shooting small birds and animals which is a traditional “banking” past-time.

(1a) But sometimes, the “Countryside” also contains dangerous or irritating animals and birds which have to be discouraged and controlled, and sometimes killed with guns, and other useful quaint “Countryside-friendly” objects such as Potassium Cyanide, big sharp spades, gin-traps and snares. This is so that children and hard-working-families can buy local produce in season, for local people, at little shops and not at Tesco where everything has to be flown in from Peru.

(2) A human being with a “gun” is almost inevitably not dangerous: humans who wave knives do it in Young Britain’s People’s Ecotowns usually. They typically wave knives at humans, and display the normal shiny clothing of scumbags. Humans with “long thin guns” are almost always dressed in browns or dirty greens of matt reflectivity, and are pointing their “guns” at animals and birds not people. It is not considered polite among humans to point guns at people.

(3) You can easily spot a scumbag. His trousers are made of plastic and have two white stripes down the side, and are normally too long and tucked into two objects called “trainers” which look like a sort of plastic boot without the normal long top piece. Female scumbags wear all-over bright pink towelling pyjamas during the daytime. They can be confusing, because they do not usually have guns or knives, only phones held out as if for offering, in the right hand.

(4) If you get a report from a human about another human in a field or some bushes with a very long thin gun, ask the reporting human if he/she lives in “the countryside” him/herself, or inhabits a People’s Ecotown. If he/she does not live in “the countryside” or instead inhabits a People’s Ecotown, discount the report. If the reporting human does live in “the countryside” ask if the gun is a shotgun, a .22 rifle, a .303, an MP5, a Bren, an AK47 or a Barrett .5″, and what bird the shooter was aiming at and whether he/she brought it down.

(5) If it is carrying or using a long gun, it is almost certainly not a scumbag but a human: see (6) below for clarification.

(6) If you point your MP5 at a “local” “human” dressed as described, shouting “ARMED POLICE!!” then he/she will drop the “gun” and put his/her hands up. If on the other had it really is a scumbag, it will turn to face you with its gun (unlikely as it does not normally carry one, and certainly not a long one) pointed rather absently and indefinitely at or near you, an will say “Yer-wha’?” or “Pardon?” or something similar.

So you will always be able to tell the difference before having to open fire.

Observe Health and Safety Best Practice!

Always check first!

I may think of more during the day…

It’s easier not to go after real criminals


David Davis

Since the modern British State-Police-Force has effectively declared an end to hunting actual villains, and now goes after vulnerable groups such as young male Moslems and “motorists” chiefly, increasingly in cyber-ways rather than actual hard-vehicle-chasing, it seems reasonable to take away all their gaily-painted squad-cars. They’ll only use them to kill innocent people , directly or otherwise, like this poor young woman.

See again how socialism corrupts: very few people I know still think the Police are your friends. A seatbelt, for goodness’ sake! And they wanted to chase the bugger?

Joking on Twitter is no laughing matter…


David Davis

…for the thought-Police. Perhaps they ought to go round in threes instead of twos: one will be able to¬† read, the second can write, and the third wallah will keep a close eye on the two intellectuals.

Some poor sod has been arrested and “bailed pending further enquiries”, and all his usual deviced have been “seized”, for joking on “Twitter” about blowing up a closed Geordie airport…it’s clearly no longer safe to make the sort of joke that’d have been commonplace in a real war.

Concerning of course stuff like “Twitter”, it is an inherently unsafe mode of contact, rather like sharing dirty needles or used condoms. You have no idea who your “folowers” really are – even the word is sinister in these surveilled times.

And I copied this to the Daily Torygraph:-

Nobody who takes his anti-Western Terrorism seriously is going to want to blow up a nothing-airstrip in the British North East. This was a clear joke by an irate traveller.

In these times of hyper-State-hysterial-surveillance – not for “terrorism” but for ultimate control – something like “Twitter” is a very dangerous thing. You do not know the thoughts of everyone who “follows” you.

Furthermore, to want “followers” is vain and empty: you ought not to think that your life contains exciting news for unknown people: Get a proper life instead. (Twitter I predict will die.)

But the central fact remains: those who purport to have our “security” at heart have lost all sense not only of perspective, but of humour.

I hope “Robin Hood Airport” or whatever it’s called, goes bankrupt. With humourless attitudes like that, it deserves to lose all the passengers that can flee from it as fast as possible.

These unthinking security-droids will have to go.

Gordon Brown saves and runs the world…so…


David Davis says “what the hell are we doing, and WTF is he doing, allowing “truckloads of explosives” to be driven about anywhere near places like Yemen?”

He’s up there, trying to be what we used to call “all big”, and yet he has no forces to deploy that can even stop themselves being blown to bits, let alone other people elsewhere.

Perhaps if he took all the UK Police (who will have, anyway, to go) and who function quite well as an occupying army here, not detecting real crime but merely terrorising motorists, and simply tramsplanted them to the Yemen, they’d have something worthwhile to do at last.

I merely announce this


David Davis

For those who are interested, this is now going on.

The real benefit would be to discredit those in Government, who are unfortunately in charge of today’s British Police Forces. But I doubt that that’s what’s behind this one. They are scrabbling hysterically for footholds on the slide to the electoral cesspit, they wonder how they can rig the “vote” in time, are not sure, and want to “get at the Tories” on an “issue”. You just watch what will fall out of this.

The end of the PUb


Michael Winning

I like writing for this blog, really I do. You know what? I’d never writ on the internet thing befor in my life before you fellows and your boss down in west-Lancs asked me if I’d do it. He and his boy came up here to the farm and showed me what to do, it was nice. The connection is still dialup up here, so it takes an age to laod each post but we’ll get there.

I may try to make some dish aerial or something to hack some banker’s unsecured network down the valley, I have a pattern for a 2.4GHz dish thing which you oculd make out of fusewire and a piece of thin frying pan. I need your boss to do the maths.

We like to go to the pub, us, sometimes. Formerly we’d just get in Landrover and go. Now, I guess we shall be staked out by the coppers. As its Christmas, none of us is going, its too dangerous if we can’t drive the vehicles after. Pub is gutted so I guess it’ll close eventually. Perhpas that’s what the buggers want, after all you can’t easily eavesdrop on local confabs in a North Lancashire pub in the hills, so it’s got to go. You could force Jim to video everybody going in and give the film the the Police every day, but then they fellows wouldn’t come or else they’d waer Skull Halloween masks from asda or Morrisons. So Jim will get closed anyway for allowing it.

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